Catullus XIV

I’ll fuck your ass first and then your mouth
Aurelius, you cocksucker; Furius, you little bitch—
since you think that my humble poems
have gone flaccid I guess I’d better harden them up!
It’s true; the dedicated poet should stand erect
in his values, but not necessarily in his verses,
which should be witty and full of soft, titillating charms;
if they are a little soft, and not too rigid,
then they’ll cause other parts of you to stiffen—
and not just young men’s cocks, either, but also the cocks
of hairy men who can’t get it up by themselves.
You’ve read about the millions of kisses I’ve enjoyed
And you still think—you judge—that I’m not man enough?
I’ll fuck your ass first and then your mouth, Aurelius and Furius.